i am
exhausted
my heart
grows weary
morning
noon and
night
anger jealously and hurt
come
to feed on this
weakened muscle
and this
tired soul
they leave nothing but
scraps of guilt
in
their gluttonous wake
i am exhausted
my heart grows weary
morning noon and night
i think i shall plant Love
in
this broken heart and weeping soul
we’ll see how they like feeding on that!
how can i, my love
define this friendship?
how can words
no matter their arrangement,
in all their
beauty, their splendor
their juiciness
how can any word
bring witness or testify
to the truth
of
you and me?
let us
throw away all words, friend
my love
for all fall short of
two who share
one heart
there is, my friend
a gentle breeze
that silently teases
my heart
whenever your words
pass by
would you do me a favor?
and
speak to me,
once again…
like the flowers
that slowly rise from their winter sleep
does my Love for you, dear friend
Awaken within my heart with silent certainty
good, bad, sad coming
good, bad, sad ever going
all of Life is Now
inescapable
great suffering and bliss shared
in this, our One Heart
friends ~
without a doubt, these past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. shadowed by worry, tension, grief, at times guilt, and with an even more consistent presence – confusion.
details are not necessary. but the preceding weeks have brought the loss of people in my life and the seeming estrangement and confusion of what is a very dear to my heart friendship. the price has been exhaustion, and at times an overwhelming burden of a weight i know i should not attempt to bear…and a feeling of helplessness, feeling alone, and deep, deep sadness.
Life is good.
i’m not making a joke. Life is good. we have never been promised an easy road. the road ahead has guaranteed suffering. but we also know that all these things pass. and that the road ahead can be graced with many good, good things and if we open our eyes and hearts to it, we have Love available to us right here – right now. like the Love that lives in our friendships. i have no doubt that some of my closest friends have been the pillars that have been holding up my heart during this time. pillars with names like Amy, Cynthie, Shannon, Mitch. i am blessed.
in Buddhism we are taught that life is always changing, fleeting and transitioning. nothing is stationary. how do i not grasp at friendships, at life, and control? how do i go about this when feeling overwhelmed?
i sit.
i sit and breathe.
i sit with patience.
i sit with an open heart.
i sit and let go.
waiting with compassion for the Ocean’s next wave…
thank you, for keeping me company.
peace & love to you dear friends…
~ j
waves come in and out
but this is all still water
Friend, we are the same
this morning i woke
your smile everywhere
flowers, sky and sun
i want to be a better listener.
so…
i plan on opening my heart wider.
i came across this poem earlier today after having read some of Jack Kornfield’s book, The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace.
in it he writes:
There are also more subtle enemies of love. These imitations of love are attachment and expectation…When attachment arises in the place of love, it sees the other as separate; it grasps and needs. Attachment is conditional; it seeks control and fears loss. Ask your heart if attachment has replaced love. If we speak to our heart, it will always tell us the truth…Expectation is another imitation of love…Attachment to our hopes and desires, to our subtle expectations destroys the tender space of love. Even the most benevolent expectations can feel like pressure and judgment to another…Love is generous without need. It is fulfilling in itself. It is courageous. Love offers kindness with no requirement in return.
attachment and expectation smother love.
but to love without seeking reciprocation?
no wonder it is called the “narrow road”. loving truly and purely, selflessly…well, it’s difficult and painful…and sadly – but not surprisingly – it is the road less travelled. at some level i know this, as evidenced by the poem i wrote below for a friend who was struggling with this. but it is something that is a struggle for me as well and something i have to continually revisit in meditation and in life with all of my relationships – especially those closest to my heart.
here is the poem…
Love Knows Only Love
friend
of my heart
and
soul
are there any rules
with Love?
only this…
when the earth is thirsty
Love’s rain falls
when she is cold
Love’s warmth rises
silently
in the early hours, it rises
to greet her
waiting
before she wakes
to remind her that
Love knows only Love
…may your path continue to lead you away from imitations of love and into the light of True Love. this is my wish for myself and for all of you, my friends.
peace…
~ j
