if we value life, we cannot easily accept that killing is inevitable or acceptable.
we must not allow all the noise to cloud our hearts. we know in our hearts that what is happening in this country – the continuous killing of Black men and women at the hands of law enforcement – is a complete breakdown and failure of our justice/policing system and the embodiment of structural racist bias.
a sworn police officer, a professional of 26 years, was unable to know the difference in location, in weight, in grip, in shape of their handgun and their taser? they are wrong for the job.
should expired tags and a warrant on a misdemeanor charge be a death sentence? a 20 year old life is gone and a toddler no longer has their father…again.
too many similar stories.
many years ago, i stepped out of a Rite-Aid and walked to my car. when i arose from looking at my receipts, i saw that i was surrounded by several police, their guns were not drawn, but their hands were on them. i was asked to slowly produce my license. after looking at my license, i was told i matched the description of a suspect in the area. i was cleared to go. i didn’t go. i sat in my car with my heart pounding and my stomach knotted. would i have made it out of that situation alive if i were Black or had dark skin? i hold that memory in my bones, knowing that this is just a taste of the fear my BIPOC friends live with.
i have nephews and nieces who are Black or have dark skin. a couple of them have autism and one is developmentally disabled. i cannot say with any confidence that i feel they are safe from being killed by police. what are we supposed to tell them? how do we prepare them for how they may be approached by police? how do we protect them from being killed by police? why is the burden on them to not be killed, rather than on police to not kill?
this is where we are at. this is where we have been.
i’m tired of spilled blood. i’m tired of aggression and violence as first choice. i’m tired of deadly force as default.
It has always been clear to me that in the Star Wars universe I’d be a Jedi. Maybe not a Guardian going into battle, but perhaps a Consular, a Seer or Healer…or librarian.
It hasn’t been clear what role I’d be in a Star Trek universe. I grew up on Next Generation, so I felt maybe a bit closer the role of Empath embodied by Counselor Troi. (However, as an actor I’d love to be an alien species and wear prosthetics.)
In watching Star Trek: Discovery – which I love! Currently in middle of streaming season 3 – I believe I have finally found my answer!! In season 2 episode 1, Tilly says to Stamets, “…but then I remembered Brianna in Logic Sciences has two stories on the third level and then it hits me, why does she need all that space? Logic Sciences is basically meditation. I mean I’ve never seen the woman move, so I put her in a utility closet on twelve and I put you in there.”
So there it is, Jaysen Waller, Logic Sciences. Where I basically meditate and never move! Haha 🙂
On a somewhat related note – Yay Science! Creating multiple vaccines in short form and getting it out to millions of people who have now been vaccinated! And yay Space Science with all the cool stuff NASA is doing on Mars!
the amount of need in the world can feel overwhelming when looked at in its entirety.
when we feel overwhelmed, we may freeze up or close down, but the weight of the world isn’t our burden to bear. life isn’t calling us to be saviors. life is calling on us to engage and to love. love really becomes something when it is specific, so we can be very specific in how we engage the world, what we do to benefit, where we offer our help.
we don’t have to do it all.
we do what we can, where we can, when we can, how we can, with who we are.
this is our starting point. beneath the ignorance, the struggle, the neurosis of aggression and grasping, we are simply life manifest and in the tenderness, the rawness of our open heart, we find that we are love.
imagine how different the world would be if everyone were aware of this, that each of us and together are life and are love, if we really connected to this and had faith in it. this isn’t faith in something unseen. when we settle our minds and open our hearts, when we look deeply with clarity and allow space, it becomes evident. we are often too busy to do so and we are often caught up in our worries, our pain, and our storylines or patterns of thought.
the simple, yet profound, practice of meditation – taking our seat, placing our attention on our breath, and seeing what arises without any judgement, criticism or bias – can open our awareness to this profundity.
it’s not a magic pill, we still have hurt, challenges and struggles, but navigating our hurt, our challenges and struggles from a place of connection with life and our love, is a world of difference than trying to navigate this life from a sense of unworthiness or lowliness. some Buddhist scriptures begin with the phrase, “Oh nobly born.” that’s YOU, that’s me, that’s us.
i wrote the phrasing for the art with love preceding life, because so many feel a lack in love and as we connect with our love, we may feel more connected with life. however, as a practice, i like to reverse these as such:
(breathing in)
i am life
(breathing out)
i am love
as we breathe in, we are literally breathing in life – oxygen fuels and sustains our body. we are connecting with life. as we breathe out, we are letting go. this letting go, this allowance and trust is fundamentally an act of generosity and our generosity is our love in action. ~j
we should be careful the seeds we plant. all comes to fruition.
when we practice from a clear and steady mind, from an open heart, from a space of empathy and our own genuine warmth, we bring great benefit. our words and actions rippling out upon the sea of life that surrounds us.
how present this quote feels, especially with the purgatory of this past year. so much unknown, so many changes. simple beauties and joys along with a weighty sadness at times.
there are variations of this quote depending on the translation, but all convey the deep imperative to love the mystery of your life right now with all of its ambiguity, its confusion and questions, not when you think you have it figured out.
the best writing transcends time and speaks directly into the heart of our experience in this life, so much of which is shared.
the book, Letters To A Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke, is one of my favorite books. it continues to speak as it did when first published in 1929 by Franz Xaver Kappus, as it did when it was gifted to me by my dear friend Cynthie and i read it in 1999. Kappus was the young poet with whom Rilke corresponded. Rilke, a poet with a poet’s heart, bearing the deep love, the fragile beauty, and heavy sadness of life.
the book speaks to all lovers, all artists, anyone who is breathing and wants to go deeper and abide in the mystery.
Arkansas denying healthcare and insurance to trans youth.
Georgia, Texas and so many other states with Republican Legislatures enacting racist modern day Jim Crow voter suppression laws.
a rise in aggression and violence toward the AAPI community.
growing income equality and a widening gap between obscene wealth and desperate poverty.
family, friends, neighbors refusing to wear a piece of cloth in order to help save lives.
an unbridled, unrestricted love affair with weapons of death and turning a cold cheek to mass shootings.
a planet sick and suffering from over accumulation and over consumption, wreaking havoc on ecosystems.
this is us.
this is on us.
and it is up to us to engage this world, to use our lives – our words, our actions, our art, our love – to heal the harm and wounds, to rebuild that which has been destroyed, to reduce suffering where we can, and create the reality we want to live in.
we have the hearts, the intelligence, and the raw bravery to do it, if that is what we want.
“The food we eat, the clothes we wear, the air we breathe have all arisen interdependently. We cannot survive alone. We cannot eat, wear clothes, or breathe alone. The more keenly we are aware of this, the more we will begin to take responsibility for the welfare of other beings.”