3. Forgiving

it has been near a week since i visited Henderson, Nevada visiting my dear friends, the Rubino family and nearly two weeks since their wife, mother, grandmother, and my friend Lori Rubino passed away after a long battle with cancer. i shared her blog, here, soon after that. i do hope you have had a chance to read through her remarkable, honest, raw, healing and beautiful words. i will be, as previously mentioned, reblogging some of Lori’s posts and today wanted to begin in a most healing place – Forgiving…
namaste ~j

lkrubino's avatarOne Toe Over the Line Sweet Mary

The perfect way to start over. To pull that big toe of mine back from hanging over the line, is to get a visit from my sisters, Chari and Pam, and my mom and dad. They flew in from Florida, Just to be with me.

I was already feeling grateful, and honored before they even landed.

Without the intention, without the premeditated plan, I am finding this to be a forgiving weekend. It is just happening. Unfolding all on its own. We read about how healing forgiveness is, but, rarely do we ever really forgive and let go. Well. At least, I haven’t. Even when the kids were little and we taught them to always apologize after a mishap, or argument, they learned to shy away their apologies to me. They knew that I would quickly say, “That’s okay, I forgive you.” Only, to be quickly followed up with a…

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rest in peace, kalyanamitra…

PeaceOfferingSmall

sometimes

it is all i can do
to just sit

here in this naked moment

this uneasy
space

my heart broken open

how else can all of this Love pour out?

~j

…here i sit.  at present words fail me, so i have pulled from words assembled in the past, reflecting a moment then, to reassemble them here in the present, reflecting this moment now.

i hesitate to use the word “lost” when regarding the passing of a friend.  love is never lost, never gone nor diminished.  love just transforms herself and continues her lovely dance into the next hall where her beauty can continue to grow and delight.  how can the great work of love ever be done?  nevertheless, in this transitory life we call home, when a friend continues their journey it is we who can feel lost.

i hold these uncomfortable feelings, these feelings of sadness for all who are suffering in this “loss.”  i hold these feelings with tender care.  allowing them to grow this heart in love and teach the bravery that is openness.

Lori Miles Rubino is a bright light, who has embodied bravery and openness,  a gift to all who know her and have the privilege to call her friend.  kind, compassionate, encouraging, funny, open and loving.  a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, coach, friend, artist, photographer, and writer.  her life has been one of great love, the work of a bodhisattva, as is so evident in the amazing family she has raised and of whom i am so grateful and adore.

in honor of her bravery, her openness, and her beautiful talent as a writer i want to invite and encourage you to read her blog One Toe Over the Line Sweet Mary.  her most recent entries will shake you, wake you up, make you laugh and open your heart.  do yourself the great favor and gift of reading her words.  chew them, reflect and meditate on them.  especially her entries, Forgiving and Dying among others.  i was so moved in reading the latter – it was our final correspondence in the first week of January 2015 beyond mutual Facebook “like”ing more recently.  i cherish it.

the rawness, i attempt to express in my words at the top of this page – is so deftly brought to life in Lori’s essays.  i will be reblogging her work, here, to share.

love you, dear Lori, and so grateful for the gift of your love.  i look forward to watching how it continues to grow in the hearts of all who know you and love you.  rest in peace, kalyanamitra.

namasté
~j

01.21.15

act in faith, act with love…

two quotes to inspire, when times seem dark, when our faith wanes and what we can do, feels like too little…

“You’re not allowed to lose faith. You’re not allowed to lose hope on behalf of all people who are suffering around the world”.
~ Jane Goodall

“My advice for people is to love the world they are in, in whatever way makes sense to them. It may be devotional practice, it may be song or poetry, it may be by gardening, it may be as an activist, scientist, or community leader. The path to restoration extends from our heart to the heart of sentient beings, and that path will be different for every person.”
~ Paul Hawken

Love can be found anywhere…
little heart in palmact in faith, act with love…
wishing you happiness and peace as we practice, in faith, this love together
~j

Thich Nhat Hanh update 01.03.15…

dearest friends ~

for those who are new to my blog, Thich Nhath Hanh, the Zen Master, poet and peace activist whom i consider my root teacher suffered a severe brain hemorrhage in November.  for much of the time since then, although showing some response and being wakeful a bit of the day, he slept most hours and was considered in a comatose state. Plum Village the main monastery in his tradition publishes updates every so often.  this latest bit of news was a significant step forward and i am grateful for it.  please keep the good and healing energy, meditations, and prayers flowing toward Thay as he continues the path of recovery.

Thich-Nhat-Hanh-arrives-by-Kelvin-Cheuk

thank you for your love and generosity of heart!
peace
~j
01.04.15

41 Incredibly Powerful Photos That Capture The Human Condition

with a 24 hour news cycle that often puts a spotlight on what can be negative and destructive results of human choice and action, it is important to also open our eyes and draw attention to our beauty. a beauty manifest from what can be great bravery in harrowing circumstances, drawn from the compassion that lives in our hearts. these photos do show some of the ugly – but the majority bear witness to the beauty that arises from courageous souls connecting to our humanity, making a different choice, to end suffering.

~j

 

2015, a year for Love…

dearest friends ~

i write to you this New Year’s Eve with a heart full of gratitude for the year that has past and abundant optimism and faith in our ability to grow in Love in the year ahead…impermanence is a good thing.  so much potential ready to manifest given the right circumstances.  and i feel like the circumstances are chomping at the bit – ready – waiting – for us to open and surrender to Love.  to let go, to let be into Love.

on one hand Love can and will do what Love can and will do…but Love is all about relationship and Love is extending a hand to a dance partner willing to dance.  are we willing to take that hand?

i feel like this past year, i have had this growing aspiration to extend my hand in return.  and this year i plan on honoring that more fully.  for me this means, to do so in my art and writing – to be more disciplined and generous with my time to those areas of my life.  for me this means, to do so with my meditation practice – getting up earlier (which means going to bed earlier) to secure that time for such devotion and practice.  for you, it may mean something else entirely.  perhaps based in your religious tradition or practice, or perhaps not if you do not have one.  perhaps your practice in opening to Love will be through your work, or your family.

Love is calling us to dance.  we may not be the ones to find a cure for cancer or some other disease – but we may hear Love call us to the bedside of a loved one, friend, or even a stranger.  we may not be the one to save a life through some epic act of heroism, but we may hear Love call us to smile at a stranger, share a kind word with someone who is hurting, to open our hearts towards those outside of the majority – those targeted, those rejected by religion, state, or other powers.  we may not be the ones to put an end to war, but we may hear Love call us to end our own battles and wars within our own hearts.  we may hear Love call us to embody peace with our patience, our calm, our gentleness and capacity to allow life to simply be.

and it can change day to day…

a couple of days ago, it was connecting with my friend Mario who answering Love’s call shared with us the Love Button campaign to spread Love.  it is such a simple, yet awesome idea.  please read all about it, by clicking on the link.

Love Button

and sometimes the call can surprise us.  today i woke up to snow – for those that don’t know, i live in a little rural area north of San Diego, called Hidden Meadows.  this area hasn’t seen snow in 47 years.  i’m not talking about a light dusting – i’m talking about full on snow…for us, anyway.

IMG_6024

this was exciting and when it calmed down a bit and some had melted away under the midday sun, i decided to take advantage of the opportunity to practice what i mentioned above and i began some walking meditation.  the walking meditation out in the cold crisp air, while i was all bundled up, was exquisite and peaceful.  as i walked, feeling my feet kiss the ground (as Thich Nhat Hanh has said), feeling the air fill my lungs and hearing the distant laughter of children playing in the snow, i decided to begin with some metta (or loving-kindness meditation)

may all beings be happy, be peaceful and at ease
may all beings be free from fear, from anger, from attachment, from suffering

which led into some chanting under my breath of the Tibetan compassion mantra Om Mani Padme Hum.

and then i saw it.  a worm.  a worm struggling on the drying cement driveway under the warming midday sun.  are you rolling your eyes?  well, hold off, this story gets more worthy of eye rolling.  it was instantly clear to me, and convincingly so, that i could not pass the worm and ignore its perilous situation.  it was clear on a profoundly simple yet concrete level that i was the worm and the worm was me (go ahead roll ’em).  so…i found a little blade of dried grass to assist me in grasping the worm who would have otherwise been further tortured by my fumbling fingers.  i scooped up the little me and found a shady area under a bush with some soft muddied dirt.

there.  my work was done and kind of felt good about it all.

then, i saw another worm in a similar predicament, though this one looked a little worse for wear.  but it isn’t my place to judge whether it was close to death or not.  this new little me had movement and well, at least it could die in the shade of that bush next to the first little me, if that was its destiny.  why leave it to bake?  so, i followed the same protocol as i chanted Om Mani Padme Hum.

and i have to say at this point, that what happened next gave me pause.  as i turned from rescuing the second little me, i saw oh so many more worms.  at least a dozen.  now my eyes were open.  and now with my eyes open i could not close them to the suffering in front of me.  are these worms any less divine?  is their life any less sacred?  probably not, but my hands were freezing at this point – so i got to work.  slipping the blade of grass beneath the wiggly, if not writhing body, into my hand and onto the muddied dirt.  then i would dip my hands under the drainage pipe for a scoop of water to keep the dirt moist…eventually covering all these little “me”s with some watery mud, giving them what i hope was a second chance at life.  here are a couple of pics of a few of them partway through this effort.

saving worms 1saving worms 2

i wonder what the neighbors were thinking as i walked around, up and down the driveway and road, back and forth.  but it doesn’t really matter.  we don’t know how, when, where, or why Love will call – and it very well may seem insignificant or silly.  our only choice really is whether we answer the call or not.  answering the call is honoring the soft spot in your heart, the seed of love – bodhicitta.  devoting yourself to answering is the act of a Bodhisattva – one who devotes their practice, and their life (even over many lifetimes as some believe) to ending suffering.

my aspiration for 2015 is that i learn to stop, to open, and to listen a bit better. compassion is Love in action.  to have compassion is to suffer with – even if the one who is suffering is a little worm, a little Buddha to be.

here below are some wonderful tools for opening up and practicing a compassionate life, from the wonderful Pema Chödrön:

THE SIX WAYS OF COMPASSIONATE LIVING

~Generosity. Giving as a path of learning to let go.
~Discipline. Training in not causing harm in a way that is daring and flexible.
~Patience. Training in abiding with the restlessness of our energy and letting things evolve at their own speed. If waking up takes forever, still we go moment by moment, giving up all hope of fruition and enjoying the process.
~Joyful enthusiasm. Letting go of our perfectionism and connecting with the living quality of every moment.
~Meditation. Training in coming back to being right here with gentleness and precision.
~Prajna (or transcendent wisdom). Cultivating an open, inquiring mind.

wishing you all a year filled with growth in Love.  may your year be surrounded in friendship and peace as we journey forth together practicing compassion in this ever-changing, always beautiful life.

bows of gratitude for your friendship and for being – Happy New Year!
~j
12.31.14

Me Snow Meditation