a letter to Aurora…

a letter to Aurora…

to all those who are suffering from this horrific tragedy in Aurora, our prayers are with you. to all those who are suffering from their own personal tragedies in this life, our prayers are with you. we are connected in our suffering, in our pain, in our confusion as to how such violence can occur. we are connected in these dark moments of life, where our hearts break and our minds spin with emotion, we are connected in our sense of loss as life seems to have lost all that is good.

it is important to feel these emotions, to sit with these emotions. to be where we are at, to grieve. so many of us, in our confusion, our pain, our anger are running from this horrible event. it isn’t easy to sit with tragedy, to be awake with suffering. it is far easier (and even feels good to have some brief relief) to blame. to blame the existence of guns, to blame a broken system, to blame a single individual who has forgotten what it means to be human, to be connected in life and love. and there too, we connect. we connect into groups with missions and we feel some brief relief as we find a place to place our anger, our pain, our suffering…forgetting our truer connection, that we are One.

but there is another way we are connected. we are connected in our Light, in our Love, in Life.

so as we sit in this darkness, in this night of tragedy and pain, let us look to Aurora itself. Aurora means “dawn”…the coming of day. that sacred, beautiful time when the night moves from twilight to day.

there is pain here. there is confusion and anger. but, my friends, there is also hope. the day will come again and with it the sun, shining bright the light of love and life. the Light that lives in all of us – both passed and still present, and the Love that connects us – whether we have passed or are present, whatever may come.

wishing peace and freedom from suffering for us all.

namaste ~ j

Friday, July 20th 2012

i fade away…

 

it seems
that every morning a
soul-hungry-knife
waits, ready to
pick anew my wounded heart

i suppose i should thank it
and call it “friend”
keeping me from
closing up…
or off

to see you, the one, arrive each day
as two
brings the hurt back
even knowing you are not
mine to keep – to hold onto

this jealousy
as if there is such a thing
as “mine”
so ridiculous and seductive
the ego’s grasping

emotions
a whirling balloon on
restless wind
an uncaptained boat on
a raging sea

i cling to the Dharma

knowing
all will change
all will fade away
and yet in some way…
continue on

dying to my self
my ideas – my dreams
nothing to own – nothing to hold
of you and me
i fade

a lonely road
paved with wounds
watered with tears
tears giving life
sprouts of hope

a hope for a love complete
whatever that is…
i don’t know
i only know to hope for it
even as i know to breathe

even now
i hold you in my heart
so be well, dear friend
so be happy, dear love
and be at peace

for in my heart
you will remain
even as i fade away
and yet
continue on in some other way…

loss and letting go…

good, bad, sad coming
good, bad, sad ever going
all of Life is Now

inescapable
great suffering and bliss shared
in this, our One Heart

 

friends ~

without a doubt, these past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. shadowed by worry, tension, grief, at times guilt, and with an even more consistent presence – confusion.
details are not necessary.  but the preceding weeks have brought the loss of people in my life and the seeming estrangement and confusion of what is a very dear to my heart friendship.  the price has been exhaustion, and at times an overwhelming burden of a weight i know i should not attempt to bear…and a feeling of helplessness, feeling alone, and deep, deep sadness.

Life is good.

i’m not making a joke.  Life is good.  we have never been promised an easy road.  the road ahead has guaranteed suffering.  but we also know that all these things pass.  and that the road ahead can be graced with many good, good things and if we open our eyes and hearts to it, we have Love available to us right here – right now.  like the Love that lives in our friendships.  i have no doubt that some of my closest friends have been the pillars that have been holding up my heart during this time.  pillars with names like Amy, Cynthie, Shannon, Mitch.  i am blessed.

in Buddhism we are taught that life is always changing, fleeting and transitioning. nothing is stationary.  how do i not grasp at friendships, at life, and control?  how do i go about this when feeling overwhelmed?

i sit.
i sit and breathe.
i sit with patience.
i sit with an open heart.
i sit and let go.
waiting with compassion for the Ocean’s next wave…

thank you, for keeping me company.

peace & love to you dear friends…

~ j