2020, to begin anew…

I begin each year with a new enso and new haiku, poem, or mantra to reflect on through the year. It usually is a response to how life has been in the previous year.

Keeping it real – 2019 was a struggle for me.  In addition to the communal struggles of the state of our country, the world, the environment, 2019 saw new and continued health struggles for dear friends and my parents. I, too, have seen an over health decline from workplace stress and exhaustion accumulated over years, and culminating in what felt like constantly moving structural changes.

A lot has suffered due to this – my meditation practice, my art, my friendships, connecting with nature, and the joy I usually feel in life.  All the while, life seems like it is flying by in a whirl and I’ve been distracted by pressures outside my control.

2019 felt like a year out of balance and has left me diminished.

To be fair 2019 also brought highlights of gratitude and happiness – my mom’s positive response to cancer treatment, getting to play in West Side Story at Moonlight, and taking my Buddhist Refuge Vows with my meditation teacher, Susan Piverand the Open Heart Project Sangha, and of course so much Star Wars (which I love to share with my nephew).

The latter is a reminder that even in the struggle and exhaustion, there was an undercurrent of strength and buoyancy throughout the challenges this past year. My practice, even when inconsistent, was my refuge and my anchor, and was a source of sharing, offering, and connecting through my mom’s cancer treatments.

Life is change and life can be very hard. The truth is, it’s always out of our control (even though we like to feel like we have some control) and it’s always a little bit hard, a little bit sad, even in the best of times.

We can choose, however, how we participate – to engage and make beneficial, balanced choices through the chaos. We can choose NOT to also be chaosourselves, within it.

2020 for me will be about making new choices and engaging in life in a way that doesn’t diminish my joy, doesn’t move in fear or reduce my light. 2020 will be about beginning anew, and not forgetting the Love that is always available, always present, always within and carrying us. Today I began with a recommitment to my practice with a 21 day meditation challenge, and recommitment to the 5 Buddhist Precepts.

A new enso for 2020, and a new haiku to accompany it as a daily reminder for me and an offering to you:

to begin anew – 
without fear, luminous and
abiding in love

Wishing everyone all that is good and much happiness in 2020.  You are loved.

~j

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