Thich Nhat Hanh

a year later ~ Newtown…

~ jaysen ~ Leave a comment

Open Your Heart

“I hold my face in my two hands. No, I am not crying. I hold my face in my two hands to keep the loneliness warm – two hands protecting, two hands nourishing, two hands preventing my sould from leaving me in anger.”

“…remember: man is not our enemy…the only thing worth of you is compassion – invincible, limitless, unconditional. Hatred will never let you face the beast in man.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

December 14th 2013

here we are.  a year later.

my heart is still clinging to the lost lives of 20 innocent children.  see their faces.  know their faces.  children who someday may have been artists, doctors, teachers, scientists, or parents with children of their own.  what inventions have we missed out on?  how many discoveries will have to wait?  how many inspired dreams will look to find a new home  – a new vehicle of birth into this world? 

questions, we’ll never know the answer to.

6 innocent adults died that day as well.  see their faces, know their faces.

bodies beyond recognition.

and a lone gunman also lost, even it seems before his horrific actions of that day.  see his face, know his face.

such a tragedy, such a dark moment.  27 lives lost, and how many more disturbingly wounded?

and here we are a year later with not much more than our grief, our frustration, and a polarized people frozen in their views.  aren’t we better than this? 

we must get to a place where we can listen – listen.  where we can dialogue without scapegoating the mentally ill, without scapegoating the media, without scapegoating responsible gun ownership.  we must open our awareness to recognize that the issue of violence in our culture runs much deeper than any vehicle in which it is carried out.  we must open our awareness to recognize that the issue of violence in our culture is much more subtle and therefore insidious than quick quotes or talking points that serve as distraction from the deep listening, the deep looking, the deep contemplation that is needed to bring healing and wholeness to our broken attempts at problem solving and our inability to find balance between privileges and rights.  we must be open to seeing how violence lives not only in our actions, but in our words and thoughts…we must look to where this violence is born and how it feeds.

we must come to a place where the news of 20 massacred children at an elementary school stops us cold in our tracks, convicting our hearts into a response so urgent, so necessary that it calls upon our betters selves to deep reflection that motivates us into action.  not action out of reaction and fear or hatred or bitterness, but action out of empathy, out of interdependence and sense of community.  it must be action out of compassion to end suffering at all costs, not perpetuation through the same deluted ideas and philosphies.  action that says – these lives, our children’s lives – life itself – is worth more than the pitiful energy we have given them so far.

if we can’t get to this place, this place of necessary coming together, this place that recognizes the shared responsibility we have in honoring what we so often and emptily claim as sacred – life, then i do believe more is at risk than any rights or privileges.  i do believe we are at risk of not only losing the very heart and soul of this country, but what is the unique manifestation of the divine that is us – our humanity.

life will go on, of course.  it always goes on.

but if we fail to rise to this challenge, to open our wounded hearts, to stand in the face of violence, to look into the eyes of fear –

life very well may look to another vessel with which it can share love, seeing no vacancy in hearts that already have a love affair with violence.

and then we will finally know what it is to be in hell, because we will have chosen to hold it in our closed hearts.

~j

Compassionate Eating…

~ jaysen ~ 1 Comment

Solidarity Thursday
Thursday, January 17th 2013
Compassionate Eating

Compassionate Eating

What we ingest and how we ingest, should be of importance to us….because it is important.

How we eat is one part, a very important part, of how we can live our life in a connected way, in a way that is whole.  How we eat – what we ingest, is not only important to our physical health, but can also be a way of building community and experiencing fulfillment and joy.

This is so foreign to many of us who have, in many ways, been conditioned to experience eating as just one part of our multi-tasking lives.  In the rush to be busy, often a mark of our success and achievement, we have made eating a task…something we do, while doing other tasks.  We eat driving down the highway from one destination to another.  We eat while walking, while watching TV, quickly as we run out the door, or right before bed.  This has been our practice for so long that it has become the pattern we see all around us and one that we participate in.

How can we change this pattern?

Awareness is the key.

What are we eating?  Where did it come from?  From whom has it been taken?  From whom has it been given?  Taking time to ask these questions, to look honestly at our food, will undoubtedly benefit us.  Taking time to ask these questions, to look honestly at our food, will undoubtedly lead us to growth, to change, and perhaps to an alteration in how we look at food and our relationship to it.

This growth will manifest differently for each of us, as we are all unique.  Each of us approaches food and our relationship to it, informed by our family experience and traditions, our culture, and our religious practices.  We all eat for various reasons outside of pure physical nourishment.  Some of us use food for numbing pain, for calming fears, or easing anxiety.  As our awareness grows, so does our clarity of why we eat what we eat…and what it is we are eating.

This awareness and then the growth from it, begin with mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a practice that brings us to the present moment.  Mindfulness is a practice that can help us to clearly see what we are eating and how we relate to it.  Mindfulness is a practice that can help us to slow down, to appreciate, and to benefit not only us, but all life around us.

AppleWorld

“With mindfulness we can see that many elements – the rain, sunshine, earth, the labor of farmers, drivers, food sellers, and the cook – have all come together to form each wonderful meal. When we eat in mindfulness, we can see that the entire universe is supporting our existence.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Born out of this mindful-awareness, comes great gratitude.  We are grateful, because we realize that this isn’t just a piece of bread in front of us.  It has within it, the merchant who sold it to us, the farmer who harvested the wheat, the soil rich with nutrients, the rain and sun that brought nourishment.  When we look at an orange we see the tree, its blossoms, its roots and the seed from which it began.  They are all there, present within the orange.  The orange, just like us, is a combination of a multitude of phenomena co-arising – coming together to form what we recognize as an orange, or as us.  We have within us, a multitude of organisms that form us.  We have our ancestral DNA passed down from generations.  We have within us, the very same need for nutrients, for water, for sun.  How humbling!  How miraculous!  What a gift!

What a responsibility…

Not very many of us have thought of it this way or even like to entertain thinking of ourselves in this way, but if we begin to see that we are not just us…but a community of organisms, we may feel a responsibility to feed these organisms the very best of what we can gather for their survival.  After all, the survival of the cells that make up our organisms that make up us, is our survival as well.  And as we begin to see that life supports life in such a way as this, then we begin to see how precious it is and how sacred it is that we are careful in how we consume such life.

This is mindfulness, this is awareness.

This doesn’t necessarily manifest for everyone the same way, as I said before.  Not everyone will become a vegetarian or vegan.  Not everyone will immediately seek to eat only locally grown or locally raised food sources.  But once we are aware, we should think about all of this.  Once we are aware, it is hard to forget.

For me it was a clear conviction of heart.  I had always loved animals in a way that saw them more as equals under heaven than as objects of service or consumption.  Even as a kid, I saw myself as a bit of a St. Francis –

St Francis (2)                  JaysenAndJiselle

– talking to and relating to animals as kindred.  Who wants to eat friends and family?  But it was watching some videos of how horrific the food industry is in their treatment of animals that turned me for good.  It was an immediate and lasting decision, made some nine years ago, this spring.  For me it has been beneficial not only in my physical health, but more importantly for me, in my sense of communion with all of Life.  It has been an inevitable outgrowth and inextricable companion to a life devoted to peace.  If I am offering my life as an instrument of peace, as service to compassion and love, then in my heart I know I am no longer able to eat animals if given the choice.

Although this cuts to the core of my spirituality, I am not very political about it, other than trying to live by example and giving money to organizations that share this view.  It would seem contradictory – even hypocritical – for me to espouse a path of compassion, yet withhold compassion from those I disagree with.  Compassion is compassion.  So I exercise and practice a view that is long in its vision, seeing societal transformation as something to nurture and grow rather than force.  This is just me, though.  Many moved by the horror and tragedy of how animals are treated (for which I am no less grieved) exercise their passion more politically.  I am thankful for them, and know that they are needed.  I also feel that those with a contemplative approach, living their truth persistently – if quietly – are also needed.  This is balance.  And at this point, even if the industry were to be completely transformed into an industry that exercised humane living conditions and lives of dignity for animals before their lives were ended for consumption, I will still remain vegetarian.  Part of this is my spiritual belief, from the Buddhist approach of non-harming.  Practicing to live a life that does not harm, knowing full well that life consumes life – even if it is plant life, and that it is impossible to not harm on some level.  This is part of life.  This teaches and opens us to grace.  I also know that I am fortunate enough to live in a place where I can access alternative food choices; I have an income (even if modest) that allows me to afford to make alternative food choices.  This is not the case for everyone.  To practice one’s beliefs while having understanding of this and working towards a resolution, while respecting differences of belief and tradition.  This is compassion.

For others, and I have many friends who feel this way, who don’t see animals as equals, there is still room for transformation and beneficial action.  I have friends who from a more traditionally-western-religious view see humans as set apart from animals.  In this view, animals can certainly be seen as a source for service and consumption.  However, these same friends also see humans as having a responsibility towards animals.  They see themselves set apart as stewards of the animals’ care.  This can also be mindful and compassionate.  This can go a long way, perhaps in an even more effective way, toward changing the norm for the animals in the food industry as we know it.  People who eat meat, mindfully, who choose to buy from local farms where they can meet the farmer, see that the animals are treated with dignity and affection in their lives leading up to death – these people also can make a significant difference.  People who eat meat, but choose to eat less for the benefit of health and environment, are also exercising compassion.  People who eat meat with a sense of gratitude, with a sense that this is a sacrifice and sacred act – perhaps offering prayers of thanks and prayers for the benefit of the animal’s life that has been sacrificed, this is also a way of eating with compassion.

Ultimately compassionate eating is eating in a way that looks at consumption and what we consume honestly.  It is about practicing consumption in a way that sits well with one’s heart.  It is about practicing consumption in way that not only appreciates life, but benefits life – not only ours, but that of our animal friends, our families, our community, and the environment.

Wishing all of you, dear friends, much happiness and peace as you travel your journey into compassionate eating.

Namasté

For more reading on this Solidarity Thursday topic, please check out these wonderful blogs: Ben at The Horizontalist, Esther at Church in the Canyon, and with a unique perspective, Triskaidekapod.

A Return to Nature as Sacrament…

~ jaysen ~ 5 Comments

Solidarity Thursdays
Thursday, January 10th 2013

“You are sitting on the earth and you realize that this earth deserves you and you deserve this earth. You are there—fully, personally, genuinely.”
~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

For the majority of my childhood, I grew up in Valley Center, California.  It is a rural town in the northeast of San Diego County.  If I had to pick one thing to be thankful for, from my childhood, it would be this – that I had the opportunity to fall in love with nature at such an early age.

Even as I write this, I feel moved to express my gratitude to my parents, yet again.  What a gift it was to fill my days with hands in dirt, running through fields, sitting and watching lizards, insects, and squirrels. I was given the freedom to just sit – listening to birds in song and the wind dancing through the great oak trees.  These early experiences began in me a journey of appreciation, respect, and love of nature and this tiny blue planet we call home.  It was in these early experiences that I began to see the sacred, the divine.  If philosophy is in the head, then Spirituality is in the heart – it is experiential.  And for me, the most spiritual experiences I have had have been in the presence of nature.  Nature, has for me, been a Sacrament.  A window into what is Sacred, what is Divine.

I miss the days when I allowed myself such freedom.  At times I long for the great oak trees, their strength, their music.  So much so, that when shopping or running errands, I even find myself subconsciously picking the parking space with the tree, if there is one, rather than not. I long for these experiences for my nephews and niece.  “Play outside” I remind them, maybe too often, because I know that love grows in experience and in time and space.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful – very grateful for technology in all of its embodiments.  I use my iPhone, maybe too often (it’s sooooo wonderful!)  I know that much of my life is dependent on computers, that I enjoy computers (they are sooooo wonderful!)  But they don’t inspire my heart to sing, my hands to open – to reach out, my feet to dance, or that deep breath that I instinctively know to take when I see a vast blue sky.  I like technology.  But I love nature.

So I worry a bit, for my nephews and niece.  Though, they too have a fondness for nature (especially the oldest), as long as they’ve known nature they have also known video games, iPods, and DVD players.  Nature has so much competition.  And although it is certain that all of this technology has benefitted humankind in a myriad of ways, there has been a cost – a shadow side to this great revolution.

We have in a way been distanced from nature, in very real, tangible ways.  We have been distanced not only in geography as we use up land for resource and move closer to cities for work.  But also in our psychology as so much of the resources nature provides are manufactured, packaged and then put on a shelf for us before we consume.  This applies to almost all we purchase in the West, from materials to food.  There is a distance, a disconnect that develops with a life thus lived.  We forget how deeply we are connected to nature, when are so far away that we don’t see the source of what we consume, we just know the store names.  We have even manipulated our religious practices, perhaps unknowingly – conveniently, in such a way to support this disconnect.

ONE2010

“The entire cosmos is a cooperative. The sun, the moon, and the stars live together as a cooperative. The same is true for humans and animals, trees, and the Earth. When we realize that the world is a mutual, interdependent, cooperative enterprise — then we can build a noble environment. If our lives are not based on this truth, then we shall perish.”
~ Buddhadasa Bhikkhu 

“…then we shall perish…”   

This isn’t a judgment, it is our reality.  If we are of nature, if nature is where life is to be found – then as we are distanced from nature, we are distanced from life.  I see this not only in our environmental changes, but also in our psychology – our increased anxieties and depression.  Not that playing in dirt will end all anxieties and depression, but feeling connected and whole would – I believe – go a long way in healing many of our wounds.  In my experience, being close to nature has been a grounding force in my life.  And as we find ourselves grounded in nature, we find ourselves connected to all life.  To paraphrase Neil Degrasse Tyson – we are connected to each other biologically, to the Earth chemically, and to the entire Universe atomically. 

I think there is great reason for hope, when contemplating our future.  For one thing, the Earth and nature itself is supportive of Life.  The Earth has seen a lot of destruction and extinction of many species, even as it has also promoted healing from such destruction and supported the evolution of new species.  The Earth and life on it, most likely, will go on.  But will we?  If we begin to see ourselves not only as consumers and benefactors of the Earth, but as partners and co-creators with the Earth, with nature – then yes, I think we will.

And this is why I see reason to hope.  Even as over time, we have strayed away from the connected – grounded practices of indigenous and native culture, and from the ancient earth/nature-based spiritual traditions, there is now a resurgence and the beginnings of such awareness and (I believe) a rich desire to reconnect.

I believe we are beginning a new age, a return to nature as Sacrament.  I see it in the new movement of integrated contemplative Christianity (which is, perhaps, actually a return to a more original – less corporate Christianity) and also in Engaged Buddhism, a term of which Thich Nhat Hanh has said, “was created to restore the true meaning of Buddhism.”  And perhaps, our brothers and sisters from the indigenous, native and nature-based spiritualities will lead the way.  I think those of us not from these traditions, would do well to listen and learn from their reverence for and relationship with nature.

BuddhaWitness

One of the most iconic images of The Buddha, is of him sitting under the bodhi tree, his left hand palm up on his lap, his right hand touching the Earth.  It is said that on the night of Siddhartha Gautama’s enlightenment and realization of being The Buddha, he was attacked by the demon, Mara.  Mara, proud and jealous, challenged Siddhartha’s right to sit there, claiming enlightenment to be his.  Mara’s soldiers shouted out, bearing witness to Mara’s great accomplishments and right to be there.  When Mara then asked Siddhartha, “Who bears witness for you?”  Siddhartha sitting there, calm and grounded, reached out with his right hand and touched the Earth, at which point the Earth itself answered, “I bear witness.”  It is at this point that Mara disappears and as the morning star rose in the sky, Siddhartha realized his enlightenment and becomes The Buddha.

The Earth has indeed been bearing witness for us, for all life, as long as it has existed.  It is now, perhaps, our time to return the favor.  It is our time to return to nature as Sacrament.  And it is up to each of us to find the practice that best helps us to do so.

I have a practice I do every morning as part of my meditation.  It is a practice I do to realign myself – to remind myself of my connection to all Life.  I use the mantra “Om Shanti Shanti Shanti Om”.  Om is said to be the primordial sound of Life itself and Shanti means “peace”.  Sitting, I place both hands on my heart.   I allow myself to feel my heart beating as I breathe in and breathe out.  I then while breathing in, with both hands over my heart, say in my mind, “Om”.  In between the breath, I say in my mind, “Shanti Shanti Shanti”. As the breath leaves my body, I say in my mind again, “Om”.  I repeat this with one hand on my heart and one hand touching the Earth.  I then repeat it a third time with one hand on my heart and one hand resting in space.

HeartBless          EarthBless          SpaceBless

I then end this practice with hands together, as I bow my head in reverence and gratitude to Life.  I have started my day establishing first, a wish for peace within my own heart, that I may have peace and be an instrument of peace for the world.  Then a wish for peace to all who share this ground, this Earth with me.  And then a wish for peace to all who breathe this same air and share this same space with me.  And finally a bow to ALL of it.  Then as I go about my day, I try to recognize the Divine in all I see, greeting Nature as a relative rather than stranger, as part of me rather than an other, as Brother Sun and Sister Moon, as St. Francis would say.

I think it is imperative that we all find a way to do this.  Not only is it necessary for our survival, it is necessary for knowing who we are.  So when out and about take some time to sit and watch the ocean, to lay in some grass watching clouds move across the sky, look out at the vast canopy of night – dotted with light as you hold your lover’s hand, to hug a tree, or talk to ants marching.  Connecting with Nature is connecting with You.

Namasté

For more reading on this Solidarity Thursday topic, please check out these wonderful blogs: Ben at The Horizontalist, Esther at Church in the Canyon, and with a unique perspective, Triskaidekapod.

fasting ~ the practice of letting go…

~ jaysen ~ 7 Comments

Solidarity Thursday
Thursday, November 15, 2012

“Stop, look around, and see how wonderful life is: the trees, the white clouds, the infinite sky. Listen to the birds, delight in the light breeze. Let us walk as free people…”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Fasting…

I was raised Lutheran, which is a denomination of the Protestant branch of Christianity. If Episcopalians are “Catholic light”, then we were even a bit “lighter” with just a few Sacraments short of the full deal. Nonetheless, giving up something for the Lenten season was a pretty regularly encouraged practice, though not rigorously enforced. It is the season of fasting bookended by Ash Wednesday at the beginning and ending with Holy Thursday or Easter Eve in some cases. It is about a six week or 40 day period to commemorate the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert. We would “fast” or give up something important to us during this period. Adults often gave up drinking alcohol and perhaps other “vices” during this time. As children, we often gave up candy or dessert or some other thing that made us resent the whole practice, leading us to see it mainly as a way for adults to oppress us further…what did candy ever do to anyone?! Just because Jesus didn’t have dessert in the desert, why can’t I? In any case, at the very least, Lent would provoke a roll of the eyes if not a fully committed grimace. Why does God want me to do without? How is this, an act of worship?

What? There’s a practical purpose to this nonsense?..

It wasn’t until the end of my early early adulthood that I began to see the subtle genius in fasting as a practice. It takes time to break habits. It takes time to create habits. There are many differing opinions regarding how long it takes to break or create a habit. It can depend on how deeply imbedded these patterns are and everyone is different. That being said, there seems to be some consensus that it can take about a month and a half…six weeks.

Here’s an example….

A number of years ago, my friend Mitch and myself discussed giving up stuff for Lent and possibly taking on a good habit or two as well. It was an opportunity for me to return to this practice as an adult and for Mitch who had not been raised with a particular religion, it was an opportunity to try it out. We took up the challenge. One of the challenges (thing to give up) was coffee. I know this is sacrilege for some, however, I knew I wasn’t addicted – I mean, I can drink a cup right before bed and then promptly lay down and go to sleep. And I knew I didn’t need coffee, so I thought it would be a no-brainer, easy-peasy, walk in the park. The first day was a breeze. None of that headache or body ache or lack of focus stuff people lament after giving up coffee. Day One = Success….then Day Two happened. Day Two began with one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. Nothing seemed to help and somehow knowing that I still had more to gain from this experience, the headache decided to last for another two days….just to make its point. I couldn’t believe it. I had been physically addicted to coffee.

I did go back to drinking coffee, though not nearly as much since I fell in love with tea, but I learned a valuable lesson about myself and my body through fasting.

It isn’t about taking away…it is about letting go…

Now here I am today, nearing the beginning of middle adulthood, seeing my younger days in the rear view mirror and fasting has become something else. I now see fasting as an exercise, a practice in simplicity and letting go. I think this lesson is very much within the body of fasting within the Christian context and certainly a lesson within Jesus’ 40 days in the desert, or even the 40 days for Noah riding – waiting, during the flood. It can be good to surrender; it can be good to grow in our capacity to wait. But for me, it has been through the lens of my Buddhist practice – where letting go is the main theme – that I have seen and experienced this practice anew.

As a child, or as I did with my friend Mitch, it was a practice of community, of support, of accountability. Now it is a solitary practice, one in which I discover what is actually necessary, what I can do without, what is real. Fasting has become a practice of not only the letting go of physical or material things, but of looking deeper to emotions and patterns of the mind. Fasting from anger, from despair, from fear and grasping. Fasting is a way to promote simplicity and create space, so I am available to this present moment, to what is here for me now in this moment, that I may be aware and free to dance with Life and sing the song of Love with all.

When I can do this, when we can do this, we will be able as Thich Nhat Hanh says in the quote above, to walk as free people.

In the meantime, every once in a while, I will give up things like shaving…that can also feel free.

BTW ~ Fasting can also be a form of protest…perhaps another blog related to forms of protest?…

Ben at The Horizontalist is off traveling this week and will return soon. For more reading on this Solidarity Thursday topic, please check out these other wonderful blogs: Esther at Church in the Canyon. And with a truly unique take on all things Solidarity Thursday is Triskaidekapod. Join the conversation!

Roshi Joan Halifax quote…

~ jaysen ~ Leave a comment

“What does refuge point to? What does it mean to come home, to be free from suffering, to be sheltered by a big and open sky? Thich Nhat Hanh once said that ‘the moment of awakening is marked by an outburst of laughter. But this is not the laughter of someone who suddenly acquires a great fortune. Neither is it the laughter of one who has won a great victory. It is, rather, the laughter of one who after having painfully searched for something a very long time finds it one morning in the pocket of his coat.’ This freedom is here within us at this very moment. Freedom then reveals the love that is also present and possible within our lives and between us.”
~ Roshi Joan Halifax

compassion in the face of hate…

~ jaysen ~ 2 Comments
Thich Nhat Hanh praying...
Thich Nhat Hanh praying...

dear friends ~

below is a poem that graces the first pages of Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, “Calming The Fearful Mind: A Zen Response To Terrorism”.  it is the first Buddhist book i read and this autumn marks the anniversary of my reading it and the beginning of me following this path.

it speaks today, as it did then, to the very heart of how we see our interdependence – our relationship – to all others, even those who seem to be enemies.  we are seeing, in this election and attempted passage of propositions such as Prop 8, a not-so-subtle attack on those who are “other” to what we have been taught through ideology and religion is “normal”.

when faced with such hate, anger, or indifference as some of us are finding ourselves it is easy and even seems just to react with hate and anger in retaliation.  Buddhism teaches something different (and so do the teachings of Jesus Christ, even if Christianity as a religion sometimes fails to).

with his well known elegant, compassionate style Thich Nhat Hanh expresses this teaching of the Dharma in the following poem. 

be well friends and peace to you ~ j

Recommendation

Promise me,
promise me this day,
promise me now,
while the sun is overhead
exactly at the zenith,
promise me:

Even as they
strike you down
with a mountain of hatred and violence;
even as they step on you and crush you
like a worm,
even as they dismember and disembowel you,
remember, brother,
remember:
man is not our enemy.

The only thing worthy of you is compassion-
invincible, limitless, unconditional.
Hatred will never let you face
the beast in man.

One day, when you face this beast alone,
with your courage intact, your eyes kind,
untroubled
(even as no one sees them),
out of your smile
will bloom a flower.
And those who love you
will behold you
across ten thousand worlds of birth and dying.

Alone again,
I will go on with bent head,
knowing that love has become eternal.
On the long, rough road,
the sun and the moon
will continue to shine.

-Thich Nhat Hanh, 1965

words of another…

~ jaysen ~ 1 Comment

my friends ~

i haven’t been writing lately.  words, for the time, have escaped me.  i simply don’t have anything to say.  i did come across, today, a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh, however, which i’d like to share.

he wrote this poem after the town of Ben Tre had been bombed by U.S. forces during the Vietnam war.  this poem is about anger. i was taken back when i read it today. only hours earlier, i sat in the green-room at work (dealing with my own anger and hurt) with my face in my two hands…comforted as i simply would breathe in and out. now for Thay’s words ~

I hold my face in my two hands.
No, I am not crying.
I hold my face in my two hands
to keep my loneliness warm –
two hands protecting,
two hands nourishing,
two hands preventing
my soul from leaving me
in anger.