sometimes

it is all i can do
to just sit

here in this naked moment

this uneasy
space

my heart broken open

how else can all of this Love pour out?

~j

…here i sit.  at present words fail me, so i have pulled from words assembled in the past, reflecting a moment then, to reassemble them here in the present, reflecting this moment now.

i hesitate to use the word “lost” when regarding the passing of a friend.  love is never lost, never gone nor diminished.  love just transforms herself and continues her lovely dance into the next hall where her beauty can continue to grow and delight.  how can the great work of love ever be done?  nevertheless, in this transitory life we call home, when a friend continues their journey it is we who can feel lost.

i hold these uncomfortable feelings, these feelings of sadness for all who are suffering in this “loss.”  i hold these feelings with tender care.  allowing them to grow this heart in love and teach the bravery that is openness.

Lori Miles Rubino is a bright light, who has embodied bravery and openness,  a gift to all who know her and have the privilege to call her friend.  kind, compassionate, encouraging, funny, open and loving.  a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, coach, friend, artist, photographer, and writer.  her life has been one of great love, the work of a bodhisattva, as is so evident in the amazing family she has raised and of whom i am so grateful and adore.

in honor of her bravery, her openness, and her beautiful talent as a writer i want to invite and encourage you to read her blog One Toe Over the Line Sweet Mary.  her most recent entries will shake you, wake you up, make you laugh and open your heart.  do yourself the great favor and gift of reading her words.  chew them, reflect and meditate on them.  especially her entries, Forgiving and Dying among others.  i was so moved in reading the latter – it was our final correspondence in the first week of January 2015 beyond mutual Facebook “like”ing more recently.  i cherish it.

the rawness, i attempt to express in my words at the top of this page – is so deftly brought to life in Lori’s essays.  i will be reblogging her work, here, to share.

love you, dear Lori, and so grateful for the gift of your love.  i look forward to watching how it continues to grow in the hearts of all who know you and love you.  rest in peace, kalyanamitra.

namasté
~j

01.21.15