Category Archives: haiku

loss and letting go…

Posted on by jaysen

good, bad, sad coming
good, bad, sad ever going
all of Life is Now

inescapable
great suffering and bliss shared
in this, our One Heart

 

friends ~

without a doubt, these past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. shadowed by worry, tension, grief, at times guilt, and with an even more consistent presence – confusion.
details are not necessary.  but the preceding weeks have brought the loss of people in my life and the seeming estrangement and confusion of what is a very dear to my heart friendship.  the price has been exhaustion, and at times an overwhelming burden of a weight i know i should not attempt to bear…and a feeling of helplessness, feeling alone, and deep, deep sadness.

Life is good.

i’m not making a joke.  Life is good.  we have never been promised an easy road.  the road ahead has guaranteed suffering.  but we also know that all these things pass.  and that the road ahead can be graced with many good, good things and if we open our eyes and hearts to it, we have Love available to us right here – right now.  like the Love that lives in our friendships.  i have no doubt that some of my closest friends have been the pillars that have been holding up my heart during this time.  pillars with names like Amy, Cynthie, Shannon, Mitch.  i am blessed.

in Buddhism we are taught that life is always changing, fleeting and transitioning. nothing is stationary.  how do i not grasp at friendships, at life, and control?  how do i go about this when feeling overwhelmed?

i sit.
i sit and breathe.
i sit with patience.
i sit with an open heart.
i sit and let go.
waiting with compassion for the Ocean’s next wave…

thank you, for keeping me company.

peace & love to you dear friends…

~ j

sweet surrender…

Posted on by jaysen

my body weakened
wrapped in a swirl of blankets
who knew beds have arms?

 

mmmm.  being sick.  oh, i hesitate to even say “sick”.  it’s a cold, a summer cold.  i would say, “i’m under the weather.”  but in truth, when i am sick, i feel like i’m right, smack-dab, in the middle of the weather…not under it.

there is a part of me that enjoys being under the weather, though. 

it’s the part of me that realizes that pausing in life, that resting in life, is important.  it’s the part of me that realizes that, indeed, i cannot control or even really navigate that successfully through a life that is impermanent and ever-changing.  it’s the part of me that deep down, welcomes…surrender.

oh, don’t get me wrong.  well before the little buddha within can say, “yes.  surrender.  take this moment to just breathe”, the big Jaysen Ego steps forward and says, “you think you can take me, summer cold?  just try it.”

you see, there is a part of my ego that says – hey, you live a healthy lifestyle.  you are active.  you are a vegetarian.  you take a good multi-vitamin (it’s called Alive! in case you wanted to know…available at Henry’s).  you meditate and try to live in Love.  so surely you can avoid this silly sickness that seems to be wreaking havoc on those around you – it is in these moments that i very conveniently forget what The Buddha taught…none of us can escape aging, illness and death.

but in a single moment, i knew i was doomed.  it was when my buddha-bro and soul-friend, Trevor got sick.  you see, whatever i’ve gained in physical or spiritual health, i’m pretty sure Trevor got there first and is a few levels above me.  although he’s younger (which has it’s own benefits) he’s done this longer…and by longer, i’m pretty sure i’m speaking about lifetimes.  and it doesn’t help that other friends often say that we are like twin-souls or that we are like the same person…

…so when he got sick, i knew it was coming for me.  no running, no escape.

and it hit.  hard enough to send me home from work.  hard enough for me to ignore the many things i thought i needed, or wanted to do.  hard enough for me to let go and go to bed.  hard enough for me to…surrender.

and you know what?

it felt good.

peace and love, my friends…

~ j