3. Forgiving

jaysen:

it has been near a week since i visited Henderson, Nevada visiting my dear friends, the Rubino family and nearly two weeks since their wife, mother, grandmother, and my friend Lori Rubino passed away after a long battle with cancer. i shared her blog, here, soon after that. i do hope you have had a chance to read through her remarkable, honest, raw, healing and beautiful words. i will be, as previously mentioned, reblogging some of Lori’s posts and today wanted to begin in a most healing place – Forgiving…
namaste ~j

Originally posted on One Toe Over the Line Sweet Mary:

The perfect way to start over. To pull that big toe of mine back from hanging over the line, is to get a visit from my sisters, Chari and Pam, and my mom and dad. They flew in from Florida, Just to be with me.

I was already feeling grateful, and honored before they even landed.

Without the intention, without the premeditated plan, I am finding this to be a forgiving weekend. It is just happening. Unfolding all on its own. We read about how healing forgiveness is, but, rarely do we ever really forgive and let go. Well. At least, I haven’t. Even when the kids were little and we taught them to always apologize after a mishap, or argument, they learned to shy away their apologies to me. They knew that I would quickly say, “That’s okay, I forgive you.” Only, to be quickly followed up with a…

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rest in peace, kalyanamitra…

PeaceOfferingSmall

sometimes

it is all i can do
to just sit

here in this naked moment

this uneasy
space

my heart broken open

how else can all of this Love pour out?

~j

…here i sit.  at present words fail me, so i have pulled from words assembled in the past, reflecting a moment then, to reassemble them here in the present, reflecting this moment now.

i hesitate to use the word “lost” when regarding the passing of a friend.  love is never lost, never gone nor diminished.  love just transforms herself and continues her lovely dance into the next hall where her beauty can continue to grow and delight.  how can the great work of love ever be done?  nevertheless, in this transitory life we call home, when a friend continues their journey it is we who can feel lost.

i hold these uncomfortable feelings, these feelings of sadness for all who are suffering in this “loss.”  i hold these feelings with tender care.  allowing them to grow this heart in love and teach the bravery that is openness.

Lori Miles Rubino is a bright light, who has embodied bravery and openness,  a gift to all who know her and have the privilege to call her friend.  kind, compassionate, encouraging, funny, open and loving.  a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, coach, friend, artist, photographer, and writer.  her life has been one of great love, the work of a bodhisattva, as is so evident in the amazing family she has raised and of whom i am so grateful and adore.

in honor of her bravery, her openness, and her beautiful talent as a writer i want to invite and encourage you to read her blog One Toe Over the Line Sweet Mary.  her most recent entries will shake you, wake you up, make you laugh and open your heart.  do yourself the great favor and gift of reading her words.  chew them, reflect and meditate on them.  especially her entries, Forgiving and Dying among others.  i was so moved in reading the latter – it was our final correspondence in the first week of January 2015 beyond mutual Facebook “like”ing more recently.  i cherish it.

the rawness, i attempt to express in my words at the top of this page – is so deftly brought to life in Lori’s essays.  i will be reblogging her work, here, to share.

love you, dear Lori, and so grateful for the gift of your love.  i look forward to watching how it continues to grow in the hearts of all who know you and love you.  rest in peace, kalyanamitra.

namasté
~j

01.21.15

act in faith, act with love…

two quotes to inspire, when times seem dark, when our faith wanes and what we can do, feels like too little…

“You’re not allowed to lose faith. You’re not allowed to lose hope on behalf of all people who are suffering around the world”.
~ Jane Goodall

“My advice for people is to love the world they are in, in whatever way makes sense to them. It may be devotional practice, it may be song or poetry, it may be by gardening, it may be as an activist, scientist, or community leader. The path to restoration extends from our heart to the heart of sentient beings, and that path will be different for every person.”
~ Paul Hawken

Love can be found anywhere…
little heart in palmact in faith, act with love…
wishing you happiness and peace as we practice, in faith, this love together
~j

Thich Nhat Hanh update 01.03.15…

dearest friends ~

for those who are new to my blog, Thich Nhath Hanh, the Zen Master, poet and peace activist whom i consider my root teacher suffered a severe brain hemorrhage in November.  for much of the time since then, although showing some response and being wakeful a bit of the day, he slept most hours and was considered in a comatose state. Plum Village the main monastery in his tradition publishes updates every so often.  this latest bit of news was a significant step forward and i am grateful for it.  please keep the good and healing energy, meditations, and prayers flowing toward Thay as he continues the path of recovery.

Thich-Nhat-Hanh-arrives-by-Kelvin-Cheuk

thank you for your love and generosity of heart!
peace
~j
01.04.15